Me Not Seeing You Not Seeing Me

What are you hiding so well that it even surprises yourself? Is it the fear when showing vulnerability you’ll be abandoned or deemed “wrong”? Is it that you carry a tender heart that no one is allowed to see because being seen is so unfamiliar? Is it something else that haunts you in your nightmares and makes you keep everyone at an arm’s length? How well do you see yourself right now? Does it help if I become your mirror and show all the best and the worst back to you? Or am I doing the same and we both keep one another at the “safe distance” in hopes not ending up with broken hearts? But maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly how the hearts are broken? Not allowing yourself to feel, to live, to love freely. Maybe your coldness is my coldness towards myself? Let that sink in…

There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. We’re just scared kids looking at each other with untrusting gaze because we’ve been hurt in this life one too many times already. Love is a leap. It doesn’t feel safe, familiar or any of the glorious words other people use. It’s scary, unknown, and hurting at times because it calls us to stretch beyond what we thought we’re capable of. Until it’s calm, caressing and warming us to the core, when we give into the unstoppable flow and learn to enjoy the uncertainty, the vulnerability and inevitable disappointment.

So is it that I don’t see you, you don’t see me, or both of us are just scared to see each other in all the depth that each of us and both of us are?

Clarity comes tiptoeing.

She comes silently from behind,

Hiding in the blind spot until,

Until it smashes you with a shovel.