Week 37. Frustration

There’s this one subject in my life that causes so much frustration that I’ve decided to share about it here. It’s a subject I’m not naturally good at but being me, I thought I can learn it all. The more I learn about it, the more I get comments that I have no clue what I’m doing in it and that I’m really bad at it (without disclosing what it is and giving any ideas for the wild imaginations of yours, I’ll just say it’s more a mundane and technical subject rather than anything else you’ve already imagined). It almost feels like I’ve read the books, I’ve accessed the basic knowledge but I can’t get to the wisdom part, when the information meets the practical application. To be fair, it’s also not a “give it time” situation because there’s been years of time by now. It’s like being part of a game, knowing that me and everyone around me are playing the game, seeing that everyone knows the rules and “gets it” and me not knowing any of the rules or what type of game, in what field we’re playing, what’s it about and what’s the goal of it. It’s so confusing. And every time I get comments that I’m not “playing” it right, when I ask what I am doing wrong and how can I improve, I get some vague, abstract answer or the best one - that I have to figure it out myself. If I would know better, I would do better. I don’t do better not purposefully, from some sort of evil chaos bringing plan or a malicious intent, as some of the advice givers tend to believe, which is even more confusing. I just don’t know how to do better, what that “better” would look like, what is expected of me while “playing this game”. On this one I really don’t have the answers yet, even though it’s been bugging me for quite some time now so if you’re frustrated about a subject in your life right now, all I can say is that I’ve found two ways to deal with these kinds of situations. One, double down on trying to get to the root of things and don’t give up until there’s light at the end of this creepy, annoying tunel. At the moment I’m navigating this stage and, let me tell you, it took me some interesting, less traveled roads for me. I’m trying out different approaches, even to myself, approaches, and it’s an exploration so far. This might bring you some much needed clarity and some “aha!” moments or may not. Sometimes, if we push too hard, everything gets jammed up and nothing can move anymore. Then the second approach might be helpful. Let’s ask ourselves a series of questions: Why are we frustrated? What would change if we would figure this out, will the feeling go away or will we need something else to fill the void? How being in this situation, in this emotion serves us? Sometimes we get accustomed to playing a role, feeling a certain way and begin to hold onto it as a raft in a sea of uncertainty. When the answers will be clear to you then you can try to let go. Just drop it like it’s hot, right here and now. Did it work? If it did, congratulations, you’ve just lost ten pounds worth of burden. If not, there’s something unresolved that keeps you in this place. This means - more brutal honesty with ourselves.

Hope this helps in some way.

Have an unbothered week.